Say Woof

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“Down on all fours!” shouted Buzz, the owner of Buzz Raptor’s Exotic Pet Agency. He was portly and bald, inelegantly dressed in pleated pants and a red bowling shirt, his name in yellow thread embroidered on the pocket. “Let me hear you say ‘woof.’ ” Buzz climbed atop his desk to give Olivia a demonstration howl.

Olivia dropped to the ground. “Woof,” she barked. This had to be the weirdest employment interview of her life. But being shy, depressed, and huge enough to be scary had many times hindered her ability to find acting jobs, so the least she could do was be cooperative.

“You must work out,” said Buzz appreciatively.

Olivia nodded. At the moment she was muscular and very strong, having toned down to a comfortable weight of two hundred twenty pounds. She rather liked herself this way. Her hair was dyed black and she wore a studded leather vest and pants, accessorized with a silver chain choker. She looked tough. Working as a temporary pet would be a step down from her last position as a bouncer at Larry’s Leather, but she needed money. She barked several times, as if Buzz didn’t already know that she was desperate.

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