Making Nice

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Thing is she didn’t think that pots and pans should go in the dishwasher, so I pointed out that there’s a setting on the dishwasher for pots and pans, just look, it’s right there, open your fuckin’ eyeballs. Well she didn’t like that very much and started in with this business about me being a loser headed nowhere and all that, which normally wouldn’t get me going except that it might be true, also ’cause it was coming from someone who supposedly cares about me and who I care about and blah blah blah I mean, I’ve pretty much looked up to her my whole life — she’s been like an older brother to me, but a lady.

Anyway she didn’t mean it I don’t think, maybe a little, but really it was just her best-guessing what would hurt me most, and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t done the same thing myself in arguments past. Just the other night even this girl in a bar was not nice to my nice friend James so I said, “Wow, that’s ugly.” When she said, “What is?” I said, “Your face. Now get outta here.” It wasn’t true, but I was pretty sure it would hurt her feelings, and as it turned out I was correct. I could tell I was correct ’cause she started crying and called me a fuckin’ dick, only when she said it, it sounded more like “deck,” fuckin’ deck! — and then she gave me the middle finger and headed off all wiggly-wobbly on her high heels in the direction of the ladies’ room.

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