Single White Psychopath Seeks Same

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This was actually my second time being tied to a chair and threatened with a cutting instrument, which I think is pretty impressive for a guy in his early thirties. Last time I had a burlap sack over my head, and to be honest I really would have appreciated one this time around. I mean, I know it’s what’s inside that counts, but these guys were seriously ugly. And their combined breath could probably be used as a Drano substitute.

The larger lunatic, whose tee shirt was decorated in a fashionable tobacco stain motif, sighed with annoyance as the smaller lunatic gave the chainsaw cord yet another tug. They’d been trying to start it for about five minutes. “Maybe it needs gas,” he suggested.

“I told you, it’s got gas!” his partner snapped.

“Then tug harder.”

“I’m tuggin’ as hard as I can!”

“Here, give it to me,” the lunatic offered, extending his hand.

“You keep your nasty hands off my chainsaw!”

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