How to Rescue a Dead Princess
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This book is dedicated to my mother.
And not just because she said I had to.
Chapter 1
Introducing The Main Character
RANDALL'S JOY AT winning the hand of poker was substantially diminished as the three barbarians at the table drew their swords. He paused in mid-reach for the pile of coins.
“Problem?” he asked.
The barbarian to his right, a seriously unattractive thug whose beard contained remnants of his past twelve meals, slammed his fist against the table. Randall reversed his reach for the coins and put his hands back in his lap, where they were more likely to remain happily connected to his wrists.
“You cheat!” snarled the barbarian, pointing the tip of his sword at an especially soft part of Randall's face.
“I did not!” Randall protested, trying to sound indignant. Unfortunately, his current state of anxiety added a tremor and a squeak to his voice, two elements which have the unfortunate effect of reducing vocal indignation.