Blink of an Eye

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For help with research thanks to crime writers Martin Baggoley and Roger Forsdyke, Peter Grogan from JMW Solicitors LLP and Martin Walsh from Stephensons Solicitors LLP. Thanks to Maggie Wood for advice on the world of social work. All mistakes or departures from normal procedures are mine.

Carmel

Before and after. Two different lives. Before – did we really know how lucky we were? How wonderful everything was? How fragile?

A warm May day, the sun golden, the air soft with a hint of humidity, the silver birch offering dappled shade in the corner of the garden. I’d spent most of the afternoon on the swing seat there, doting grandma, three-week-old Ollie dozing in my arms. Phil, as besotted as I was, taking photographs, dozens of photographs. I had not believed people when they eulogized about the emotional impact of having grandchildren, but meeting Ollie had been like a punch to my gut, the sensation close to that I’d felt when our girls were born. A mix of overwhelming love and rabid fear – the urge to cherish and the fearsome drive to protect. Part of me was bemused, though, thinking, how did I get here? Like the Talking Heads track. When did I get to be a middle-aged woman? Fifty-two and still feeling like a seventeen-year-old inside.

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