The Easter Parade Murder

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I swiveled my chair to face Nero Wolfe directly across the expanse of his desk top, and to look him in the eye. Then I made a speech.

“Nothing doing. If you wanted me to hook something really worth while, like a Mogok ruby, I might consider it, but I am not an orchid snatcher. For what you pay me I do your mail, I make myself obnoxious to people, I tail them when necessary, I shoot when I have to and get shot at, I stick around and take every mood you’ve got, I give you and Theodore a hand in the plant rooms when required, I lie to Inspector Cramer and Sergeant Stebbins whether required or not, I even help Fritz in the kitchen in emergencies, I answer the phone. I could go on and on. But I will not grab an orchid from a female bosom in the Easter parade. There is—”

“I haven’t asked you to,” Wolfe snapped. He wiggled a finger at me. “You assumed I was headed for that, but you were wrong. I only said I wanted to hire someone for such an errand — someone adroit, discreet, resolute, and reliable.”

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