Kingdom River

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To the Kipchak Prince and Khan Evgeny Toghrul, Lord of Grass, Ruler Perfect of the Bering Strait Traversed, the Map-Pacific Coast, Map-California – and, lately, Conqueror of Map-Texas to the Guadalupe River and beyond.

Greetings from Neckless Peter, old man and librarian, who years ago, having been taken captive from my Gardens Town by naked savages – Border Roamers serving with your father's subsidiary forces – was privileged to tutor a brilliant boy in what we know of Warm-times gone, and their wisdom.

This boy has become you, my lord – and I, your recently assigned ambassador and agent to North Map-Mexico, take this opportunity to tell you that I quit.

'I quit.' Is it any wonder we get not only our written and spoken language from the books of centuries past, but even its casual slang – so neat, so pointed, so appropriate?

I am, of course, aware that your strangler's bowstring awaits any who disappoint you, and can only hope that a thousand miles of distance – and perhaps some slight regard you might still hold for your elderly tutor – will prevent a determined attempt at murder.

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