Dining on Stones

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Three flies, they might have been there all winter, exhibiting themselves on my kitchen window. Doing what they do, trying to get inside. Stuck to stickiness, salt. A low-level irritation, between my headache and the view of the roofs and brightly painted terraces, that drove me, almost immediately, into the other room. Where I pressed, in perverse imitation of my tiny, blood-sucking cousins, against the cool panel of the sliding door. If I was inside anything, it was glass.

So much experience, I thought, and so little of it experienced, lived through, understood. The sea, early light on grey water, does that, makes us melancholy in the morning, dissatisfied with our satisfaction. So many years on the clock, despite surreptitious winding back, the reinventions, the lies. Obliged to go over the details of a dull history, for a man sprawled in a chair, whisky glass in hand, you invent. A journalist worried about train times, his dinner. You smooth over unforgiven betrayals, hide shame. Jealousy. Impotence. Or boast of it. Bad reviews, which I pretend not to read, are quoted verbatim. The mike isn’t picking up my whisper. The journalist booms and cackles.

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