The Search

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He could never forgive himself.

However, if his wife might forgive him, then he could live with the guilt for the rest of his life; guilt was all that he deserved. Looking at his wife used to bring him delight and meaning in life, but now it brought him a hollow feeling of remorse and shame. He had to tell her. He could only bear the burden for so long.

When they got married, he’d promised himself never to make her cry, and during seventeen years of marriage, he had never once broken that promise. He was convinced his wife had never shed a single tear because of his actions. However, she was bound to cry this time, and so was he. He had ruined their relationship for both of them. He didn’t have a good response to the question that had been haunting him for the past couple of days.

He was a man.

That was the short and simple answer.

He was a man with too much macho pride, and he was afraid of losing his masculinity. That was the only answer he could come up with, and he knew it wasn’t good enough. He felt nauseous. He wanted to cry, scream, and throw up, all at once.

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