The Unknowns

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IT’S IMPORTANT TO CHOOSE the right moment to arrive at a party. You want to get there after the vertiginous first hour, when the early arrivals stand awkwardly around the kitchen, but in time for the next phase, when the noise level reaches some threshold and triggers a feedback loop and everyone starts raising their voices to be heard. At such a moment it’s possible to imagine that this party will live up to the promise inherent in the notion of a party.

But as I step through the door of Cynthia’s apartment at 10:32, it’s clear that tonight that promise will go unfulfilled. A voice barely carries down the empty corridor from the kitchen, mingling with the faint jangle of a boom box. In the nearest room a few sad coats are piled on the bed. Tonight people will stand around drinking beer from plastic cups, talking about their bosses or their dissertations, before going home to masturbate.

I add my jacket to the heap and proceed to the kitchen, carrying a gift wrapped in brown paper and a six-pack of bottled beer. With so few guests it will be harder to hide, to lean against the wall as if waiting for someone. At a crowded party you can make three slow circuits of the premises, turning sideways to slip past the people in line for the bathroom, and then leave without self-reproach. The fewer guests, the more you’re implicated in the event’s success or failure.

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