Sex and Drugs and Sausage Rolls

Начало книги

There’s a frog in the Kenwood blender.

There’s a cat in the microwave.

There’s a mouse in the waste disposal.

There’s a chef and his name is Dave.

There’s a cockroach that lives in the pâté,

And the salt is an earwig’s grave.

There are droppings all over the butter.

There’s a chef and his name is Dave.

There’s a nasty fungus under the stove,

Where the creepy crawlies wave.

And squeezing his spot in the beef hot-pot

There’s a chef and his name is Dave.

There’s a man from the Health Department

And he’s just been sick in the sink,

And the Watermans Arts Centre kitchen

Will be closed for a while, I think.

“She does what?” John Omally looked up from his pint and down at Small Dave.

“Reads your knob,” said the wee man. “It’s a bit like Palmistry, where they read the lines on your hand. Except this is called Penistry and they can tell your fortune by looking at your knob.”

It was spring and it was Tuesday. It was lunchtime. They were in the Flying Swan.

Читать дальше →