All This Life

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The thing you need to realize about my equation E=mcdespaired is that no one has ever thought about psychology and thermodynamics and existentialism as they relate to mathematics before. Not even you, Albert, though I know technically you were a physicist, and I’m saying all this with the utmost respect to you and your work. For without you as my predecessor, I wouldn’t have been able to take your research to the next level. I never would have developed existential mathematics, which is really what my century needs. See, you were a product of your time, as we all are. Your E=mc2 brought us to nuclear fusion, which is the greatest and most treacherous advancement of your century. Back then, the world was only concerned with science and science and science. Modernity. Technology. Urbanization. And now my generation is paying the price for all that. You should see us now, aspiring to be computers. Machines are man’s best friend. You led us down a lonely road, one you wouldn’t have been able to foresee, but trust me, it’s bad here. It’s burning. We are all about to burn. And the question is: Why are we burning? Why is the earth heating up? Maybe it’s all the fossil fuels, the greenhouse gases. Cow farts are killing us. The methane. None of those are my areas of expertise, and I’m not invalidating those things as contributing forces. What I’m saying is those aren’t the ONLY factors. There’s one gigantic cause that no one talks about, and it’s the foundation of my equation, my E=mcdespaired: Human sadness is what’s heating up the earth. We are so somber, Albert, our lives are squared by despair and thus we all emit such a sad heat that our planet will torch unless we get it under control. Everything adds up.

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