The Two Kinds of Decay

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With sincere thanks to the MacDowell Colony and the Corporation of Yaddo for their gifts of time and space; to Catherine Corman, Lisa Selin Davis, Jennifer L. Knox, Julie Orringer, and Emily Senecal for their invaluable notes; to PJ Mark and Denise Oswald for their good faith.

With deepest gratitude to my doctors, nurses, parents, friends. To Adam, whose work sustains mine and whose love makes me brave. There were so many others. Thank you.

The disease has been in remission seven years. Now I can try to remember what happened. Not understand. Just remember.

For seven years I tried not to remember much because there was too much to remember, and I didn’t want to fall any further behind with the events of my life. I still don’t have a vegetable garden. I still haven’t been to France. I have gone to bed with enough people that they seem like actual people now, but while I was going to bed with them I thought I was catching up. I am sorry. I had lost what seemed like a lot of time.

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