I Love You (Occasionally)

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It started with one of those quizzes in the back of a magazine. Harrison Coombs, riding the commuter train back through the steel-colored dusk of the last working day of the year, sleet whanging away at the window at his elbow, saw the title of the quiz as he leafed by it. “How Good a Husband Are You?”

Three pages beyond, he found that he was feeling mildly defensive and so he turned back to the quiz and took out his pencil. “Show you how good I am,” he muttered.

The first question jolted him a bit. “You take home flowers (often) (seldom) (only on anniversaries).” The testee was to underline the proper word, which carried a point score.

In the brokerage profession Harrison Coombs had learned how to achieve a quite impressive objectivity. He knew at once that to underline (seldom) would be hedging a bit. Hunching over the line. With a quick deft line he underlined the last choice.

“You tell her she looks lovely (once a day) (once a week) (once a month) (once a year) (never).”

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