The Cabin in the Woods

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Never did understand the whole kid thing, Gary Sitterson thought. Mess your house up, drain your resources, and make you grow prematurely old.

He held his mug beneath the coffee dispenser, setting on “strong.” He’d have used “nuclear” strength if it existed; it was going to be a long day, and he was tired. Beside him Steve Hadley sighed, and Sitterson smiled to himself.

Besides, it’s obvious for all to see: women are mad.

It had been brought to his attention more than once that this attitude made his job far easier.

“It’s hormonal,” Hadley said, continuing the rant which, if anything, was more of an expression of bemusement. “I mean, I don’t usually fall back on, you know, ‘It’s women’s issues’…”

“But child-proofed how?” Sitterson asked. Hadley, married and still childless, had been bemoaning the fact that his wife was preparing their home for the arrival of a child not yet conceived, though one for which they had been practicing for some time. “Gates and stuff?” “No, no, dude,” Hadley said. Bemusement was turning rapidly into exasperation. “She bought gates, they’re stacked up in the hallway. She did the drawers! We’re not even sure this fertility thing is gonna work and she screwed all these little jobbies where you can’t open the drawers.”

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