Treachery

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THE PAIN NO LONGER kept me awake, no matter how much I needed it to. Sleep would kill me. I was sure of it.

I tried to move as often as possible, forcing my body to remember that it was bruised, scraped raw in ways that should always jolt me back to the present moment. Pressing up against the cold steel of the cell walls, I sucked in a sharp breath when the icy surface met my skin through the ruins of my clothes. But I didn’t relax. I couldn’t. No matter how much my bones were screaming at me to collapse. To puddle onto the floor, letting go of the conscious world.

I’d let it happen before, more than once. When exhaustion pushed on my head and shoulders, forcing them to the ground. When everything that had happened shoved my eyelids down with tears burning beneath them. That was the most dangerous time because I couldn’t hold my mind in check. I couldn’t fight off the swell of feelings that rose up, choking me with confusion, fear, and regret.

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