Dating Is Murder

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“ Moth harmonica.”

That’s what it sounded like, the guttural, heavy-accented syllables coming through my answering machine. A piece of haiku, until the woman rattled off an almost unintelligible series of digits that went on and on, like a credit card number or the miles from earth to Jupiter. I picked up the telephone.

“Hi, this is Wollie,” I said. “Who’s this?”

“ California? America? Ja?”

“Yes, California, America. Who’s this?”

“Encino?”

“No, not Encino, West Hollywood. Forty minutes away, traffic permitting. Who’s this?”

“Ja, ja, who this?” she asked.

“That’s what I’m asking,” I said. “Who are you?”

“I am Moth Harmonica.”

Okay, I’ve heard worse. My own name, Wollstonecraft Shelley, is no picnic, especially for a girl. Or woman, as my friend Fredreeq insists I refer to myself. “Who are you trying to call, Moth?” I asked.

“Who are you?”

“No, who are-” I stopped. This could take a while, and I didn’t have a while. “I think you have the wrong number,” I said, and this brought forth a flurry of words that started with “Nein! Nein!” and ended with “Annika.”

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