The Very Secret Diaries of the Fellowship

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Met up with Hobbits. Walked forty miles. Skinned a squirrel and ate it.

Still not King.

Stuck on mountain with Hobbits. Boromir really annoying.

Not King yet.

Orcs killed: none. Disappointing. Stubble update: I look rugged and manly. Yes!

Keep wanting to drop-kick Gimli. Holding myself back.

Still not King.

Sorry no entries lately. V. dark in Mines of Moria. Big Baelrog.

Not King today either.

Orcs killed: 7. V. good. Stubble update: Looking mangy.

Legolas may be hotter than me.

I wonder if he would like me if I was King?

Beginning to find Frodo disturbingly attractive. Have a feeling if I make a move, Sam would kill me. Also, hairy feet kind of a turn-off.

Still not King.

In Lothlorien. Think Galadriel was hitting on me. Saucy wench.

Nice chat with Boromir. He’s not so bad.

Took a shower. Yay!

But still not King.

Orcs killed: none. Stubble update: subtly hairy.

Legolas told me that a shadow and a threat had been growing in his mind.