The Beggar's Garden

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They sent the wrong paramedic, one I’d never met before. He had sideburns sculpted into hockey sticks and stunk of canola oil. He was in my doorway with the gulping eyes of a rodent and the shocker thing in a red nylon duffle over his shoulder. His partner was old and wheezed beside him from the three flights of stairs. It had taken me a while to answer the door because I was on the toilet, unable to pee for nervousness. When I stood, my hamstrings went pins and needles and I steadied myself on the towel bar while taking a minute to arrange my hair.

Is the patient inside? Sideburns said, looking primed, as though he’d been about to force the door.

No, I said.

Oh, sorry, he said, deflating. Then he sent a confused glance down the hallway in hopes of spotting the actual emergency.

This is 308, is it not? the old one said.

I’m the patient, I said.

Sideburns took a rapid, teaspoon-sized breath and strode in. They guided me to the floor right there, the old one cradling my neck so my head didn’t snap back, setting it on the bristles of my welcome mat. Then they rolled me to my side and a foamy pillow appeared beneath my ear. A light whipped my eyes. Breathing? someone said, and someone said, Good. I prided myself on my good breathing as I felt the sleeve of my housecoat roll up. Something squeezed my arm like a tiny, forceful hug and then it whooshed. A hand leapt inside my nightgown. Cold metal went on my chest. With someone listening to it, my breath sounded louder to me in my head. I felt like an instrument valuable enough to be measured and checked. There are rules for what they are doing, I thought as they rolled me to my back and I stared into the pagoda-shaped light fixture on the ceiling until it blew out my vision.

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